Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
