my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
