I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
