My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
