They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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