How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
