i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Soap is not a condiment
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
