Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
