Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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