totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
