Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
