Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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