She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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