69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
