I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
