she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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