He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
