Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
