why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
