i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
