suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
