smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mom said you looked used
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
