I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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