if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
