Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
