It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
