Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
