So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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