I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
