every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
