wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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