return my video game
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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