you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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