one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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