I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Two words: blizzard sex
I have fence marks all over my body
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
