I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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