Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
