A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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