You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
