it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
