True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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