it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
