Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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