dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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