if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
