this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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