When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
