When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Still dying that you shit outside
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
