Sponge bath it is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
