Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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