im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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