so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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