I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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