Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
