Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
